So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This baby is an asshole
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
