It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
