Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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