So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
