I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
