Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
