new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
