My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
