Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
