There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
