i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
