One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
