just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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