HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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