Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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