Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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