well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
