and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
someone owes me an orgasm
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
