I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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