This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
