I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
