Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
