you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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