i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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