I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
