connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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