he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
