the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize