he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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