If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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