Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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