I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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