I wish I could punch you in the face.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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