The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it's like iHOP with fire
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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