Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
