wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
