Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
