This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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