Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
