Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
