i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
