i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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