grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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