dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
