I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
