Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
