Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
