she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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