Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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