Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
