I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
