So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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