My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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