im about as happy as oj after his trial
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sext me about skeletons
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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