It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His hands were made for my vagina.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
