Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
