I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
