Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
