Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
