Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
