Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
