normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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