I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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