just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
