maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
