The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
