drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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