are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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