you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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