I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
